Introduction & First Impressions
What is this? Why did I use it? Can I get those wasted hours of my life back?
Those are the exact thoughts I am having while thinking about the CalExotics Get Hard Head Pump Set. I am having so many thoughts and almost none of them are good. I am feeling a sense of civic duty to write this review. I used this toy so you don’t have to. I can save you from wasting your precious coinage.
I tried to keep an open mind with this one. I tried to enjoy it. But this masturbator was a real bust.
How It Works
It doesn’t. At least not real well. At least in my opinion. The idea behind the Get Hard Head Pump Set is that you stick the head of the penis into the plastic cup and it will provide suction as well as optional vibration. It is fully automated, the Get Hard Head Pump requires almost no effort on the part of the user. It is a matter of slipping the penis in and adjusting the controls to your liking.
The Get Hard Head Pump is also wireless. Meaning that it is fully portable. You can use this in any room of the house without worrying about needing to be near an outlet. It also means it would be easy to pack the pump up in a suitcase and travel with it. It is not rechargeable and does require three AAA batteries to power the pump.
The device is actually very simple and easy to operate. On the handle of the pump is a panel of three buttons. The buttons are subtly raised, meaning I can find and operate them by feel alone about 75% of the time. As my fingers get slippery from lube, I find I have a harder time discerning the buttons from the raised chrome trim that encases the button panel.
For suction press and hold the button closest to the opening of the pump. The button you’re looking for looks like two arrows pointing into each other. Press and hold for this button three seconds to turn on the device. Continuing to press the suction button will cycle the pump through three different suction settings. To turn the suction off again it is just a matter or repeating the first step – press and hold for three seconds.
If you wish to add vibrations to your play session you would press the button located closest to the bottom of the toys handle. This button looks like a wavy line. Press and hold this button for three seconds to turn the vibration function on. Continuing to press the vibration button will cycle the Get Hard Pump through a series of five vibration, pulsation, and escalation functions. Again, to turn off it is just press and hold for three seconds.
The third button on the panel the automatic air release. This button is located in between the suction and vibrations buttons. Pressing this will cause the toy to release the suction seal around your penis. Which allows the user to ease the suction off the penis head without having to turn the device off. Gives you’re penis a chance at a quick breather while the suction builds up again!
Size, Shape, & Materials
The two removable sleeves are made from a TPE material. This means that the material that is going to be more porous than a body-safe material like silicone and you will not be able to disinfect it. This material is for your solo use only, I would not advise sharing it with any other user. You are also going to want to keep an eye on these sleeves, looking out for any discolorations, wear and tear, or funky smells. If anything seems off just toss it out.
The remainder of the toy is all constructed from plastic. With the exception of the cheap ass looking sleeves, the toy quality isn’t actually all that bad. So I will give it some credit in the construction department.
Inside the clear plastic cup is the “vibration landing pad” with “added pleasure ticklers” which translates to thin plastic accordion pad with plastic nubs. After my first use of the Get Hard the landing pad bent out of shape and I have been unable to fully return it to its original state. I guess my penis and I got too excited and tried to trust into the toy instead of calming staying stationary on the pad.
As for shape, there isn’t anything too fancy going on here. It has a rounded plastic handle, which also contains the aforementioned button panel. Also located in the handle is the battery chamber and air release hole. The other half of the toy contains the cup where you insert your penis, this is clear, which I thought gave me an excellent view of my dick – so I guess it gets points for this.
The CalExotics Get Hard Head Pump set includes two sleeves, the Grip Sleeve and the Donut Sleeve. Honestly, I couldn’t tell much of a difference between the two of them. Supposedly the the Grip Sleeve (the sleeve with the tapered cylinder hanging out the bottom of it) is supposed to increase suction, but it felt the same as the Donut Sleeve to me.
Suction was never really achieved. I mean, I guess there was some very light suction, but I never felt anything mind-blowing. I don’t know if this was a “me” issue or a toy issue. I probably could have trimmed up the short and curlies, given the toy more skin to seal around, perhaps that would have achieved different results. If the purpose of the toy was to make me “get hard” it failed. Hardness was not happening, not without some serious help from ManyVids.
The vibration feature was so-so. I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it. I don’t have any real issues with it. Could the vibrations have been better? Heck yeah. But they probably also could have been a lot worse. They were pretty mild, it added a bit of extra sensation, and I bet if I had actually had any real suction going on the tickling vibration would have actually driven me wild. But as it was, I’m pretty “meh” about the whole situation.
Care & Maintenance
Both sleeves are removable for easy clean up. They require no special care, but I found that they got rather sticky after washing. To combat the stickiness I dusted them with a little bit of Fleshlight Renewing Powder I had on hand. And just as reminder, the sleeves are porous and can harbor muck no matter how hard you clean it. So be on the look out for any changes to the material and discard if anything develops.
The plastic tube is reasonably easy to clean, I just run water straight from the sink into the plastic cup. That does a pretty good job at washing everything out. However a finder or other scrubbing implement becomes necessary if I’ve let cum sit for too long in the cup before cleaning it out. I find that a quick swipe of my finger around the “landing pad” helps clear out any stubborn goo that the tap didn’t flush out.
The idea is solid. The execution seems to have fallen short. I just didn’t get a whole lot of pleasure from this particular toy. When I asked my partner for this pump I was imagining it to have much more suction strength. I figured because it was fully automated that it would somehow provide more suction than a hand held pump. But I was unable to get a tight seal around my penis and the toy felt quite weak. The vibrations are an interesting added bonus but they are not strong enough or satisfying enough to carry the toy on its own.
If you are looking for a penis pump, I’m afraid I am going to have to gently steer you away from the CalExotics Get Hard Pump Set. I am sure there are people out there who would and have enjoyed this toy, but it wasn’t me, and as such I can not recommend it at this time. But if you have had a different experience with this pump, please drop your opinion in the comments below – someone else might find your comments helpful!
Purchase Your CalExotics Get Hard Head Pump Set From SheVibe or Betty’s Toy Box!
The CalExotics Get Hard Head Pump is a fully automated penis head pump. Equipped with both suction and vibration the Get Hard Pump should have been a rockin’ good time. However, I found the suction weak and the vibrations only mildly thrilling. Mild mannered masturbator – yes. Penis pump with amazing suction – no. Recommendation: Pass on this.
The CalExotics Get Hard Head Pump Set is part of Hardwood Reviews personal toy collection. Tested and given an honest review.